Punny

I find more pleasure in puns than any other single thing. What about your family? Or chocolate? Nah, I'll take puns. I even think the word "punny" is funny.

The best puns of all time:

Pinochle Pun:
We were talking about old western movies, for some reason one day while I was playing cards with my family, which reminded me of the worst class I took in college: "Art of the American West."

But, Sarah, that sounds interesting. 

Watching Shane and The Girl with the Yellow Ribbon  is not interesting.

I just hate that kid so much.

The only comparable class model would be to watch Moulin Rouge to study Modern Art and Hercules to study Ancient Greek. Or maybe Night at the Museum. 

Side Rant: Why did people tell me to go see Night at the Museum!? That movie was bad. Do you just assume that I'll like something with the word "museum" in it?

Anyway, the two movies that I did like where The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (and it's catchy theme song) and 3:10 to Yuma. So, I had these two films on my mind while I hunted for the Queen of Spades and the Jack of Diamonds. Then, the best thing in the world happened. We were playing Pinochle, going around in a circle bidding. 250, 280, 300...

My mom looked up from her cards and asked, "What's the bid?"
I said, "It's 310 to you, Ma."

Then I retired from the world, because nothing could ever be better than that. Nothing. In the world.

Lazy Pun:

Disclaimer: I am the only person that thought this was hilarious.

About four years ago (wow! four years), Amanda was making some sort of meal in our apartment. This meant that she was wearing onion goggles. I told her that she was an excellent cook, but that her goggles made her look like she had a lazy eye. This lead to a dialogue in which Amanda claimed that I, in fact, had lazier eyes.

(She has a point.)

A few minutes later she told me I had a lazy eye and a lazy ass, because I was laying on the couch while she was cooking. For me, imagining the wandering, drooping nature of a lazy eye and assigning those qualities to one's derriere, was perhaps the funniest thing that had ever happened (remember this happened before 3:10 to you, ma). Amanda watched me laugh myself off the couch through her onion goggles. 

Man, I knew I wouldn't be able to convey the hilarity of that situation.  

Perhaps my blog needs a "Sarah Puns" section, where I can update my vast readerbase about all the hilarious things that I say. That would be great for everyone.