Bus conversations are the best kind of conversations

I've been a little bit of a lazy blogger lately, mostly due to my recent purchase of ER Season 1. There are 15 seasons, so I'll see you all in a year or so...

Anyway, I heard a conversation today that is worth recording and proof that you should never talk on the phone while you're on the bus. Nobody wants to hear you talk to your mom on the Aggie shuttle, Loganites. But Eugene has a special breed of bus riders--they talk to the pharmacist on the bus. Here's a dramatic interpretation of the conversation I (and twenty other EmX patrons) overheard.  My thoughts are in bold. As a side note, the offender was wearing jeans with embroidery and and pockets with flaps. Jackson told me that only chumps wear pockets with flaps--he later proved his point in an Urban Outfitters
.
He looked kind of like this, actually:

 

Douche (presumably to an automated system): I want to talk to a person.
D: with increasing frustration I want to talk to a person. I want to talk to a person. I want to talk to a PERSON.
*presses zero*
What would happen if I turned around and said "how may I help you?"
Hey, how are you today? In a Joey Tribiane style.
I haven't had time to go to the doctor...but I have an old perscription that I want to renew. Could you look up the name for me--I'd be super grateful. I've been bogged down all day.
Doing what? Bicep curls. Sending audition tapes to The Jersey Shore?
 My name is "Jason." J as in jumping-jack
That would be J J. Also, is it necessary to spell "Jason." Your name isn't "supercilious."
A as in adventure.
Cool!
S as is sometimes.
O as in...pauses for a long time, because "O" is a hard one. Meanwhile the pharmacist has already typed in J-A-S-O-N.
O as in over.
Nailed it.
And N as in Nathan.
Dear God, please don't spell Nathan.
And my last name is Gotham.
You spell "Jason" but not your super tricky last name. I wonder if someone once told him to be sure to spell out his name, and he took that to mean "Jason."
It's a fungus cream from a few months ago.
AHH! Ima throwup. Where is the fungus?
long pause while pharmacist throws up and then explains something
I have to go to the doctor every time I get it?
WHERE IS THE FUNGUS? Can I catch the fungus?
Douche becomes very emotional, wavering between the urge to cry and the urge to punch the phone.
Aw, somebody's got the steroid grumpy grumps.  
That's retarded. I'm going to take my business somewhere else.


I assume he hung up at this point, due to the fact that getting a new prescription every time you have a fungus is "retarded." I had to get off the bus because it was my stop (and hello...fungus) so we'll never know how it turned out. I should probably note that I'm not this articulate or clever in my head, but those were his real words. Poor guy, what's he going to do? He'll probably have a monster and go to a dog fight or something. I gotta write a play.

I also want to mention that if you do a google search for "ultimate douchebag" there are about 50 pictures of "The Situation" and one of Ghandi. I understand though, that skinny little twerp was a to-tal douche.